Homestuck hasn’t changed my life in any drastic way, but rather the way I view it as a whole and the way I live day to day.
My life story is apparently depressing. I know because I’ve been told after many of the thousand times I’ve used my past as a crutch and sometimes even as an excuse as to why I’m not the best person I can be when I’m left to my own devices.
My mother and I lived alone, and I didn’t know until seventh grade, just how close we were to living in our car. The only reason I learned was because we were heading that way again really fast.
The only good thing that happened that year was meeting my first real friend. She invited me to sit with her at lunch. This was despite the fact that by this point I had the opportunity to shower no more than once a week and had taken to wearing a poncho or jacket to hide the fact that not only was I wearing the same clothes for days at a time for lack of anything else to wear, but a lot of the shirts were actually my dead grandmother’s hand-me-downs.
My friend, who I still consider my best friend, now my moirail is the person who introduced me to Homestuck this past summer, four years later. But before that, we got each other through a lot. She got a new step-douche and a baby step-brother and I almost got taken away by CPS the day of Thanksgiving because our house was in a miserable state of disrepair and the sheer fact that I took medication for my depression. By the end of eighth grade my family was forced to sell any and all sentimental treasure that just happened to be made of a precious metal, and her family got an obsessed stalker that called thirty-seven times in an hour and just happened to be a person we invited to sit at our lunch table one day.
I still have plenty of issues to work out in my life, of course. My brother is not only a (somehow) functioning alcoholic, but has a sever weight problem that’s killing him (He weighs almost six-hundred pounds and people can see where the skin on his legs isn’t holding up). We all could stand to lose some weight, health-wise. My mother has medical problems that we can’t pay to have surgeries for, and she seems fit to tell me so pretty much time I don’t take out the trash or leave a mess that she’s dying and that I might not have a mother next year. She’s bipolar, we’re both schizophrenic and have clinical depression. I sometimes have passive-aggressive chats with my mother about which one of them is dying first, and whether both of them will end up dead before I’m old enough to legally drink.
My life is ludicrous, and I still sometimes go back to thinking it’s the only thing that makes me special. But reading Homestuck, being able to relate to it and even just sitting back and idly watching the fandom, has helped me a lot.
The one person I’ve gotten to read Homestuck says I’m like Karkat for my temper and Tavros for my lack of confidence. I agree with him, but not for that reason. I’ll admit it, sometimes I still slip back into my old habit of having a one-person pity party about the million things I could be doing, even right at this very second, to make my life a little more bearable or worth living. I relate to Karkat because I look back at my past self and can’t tell who I hate more, who I was or who the me I am right now is going to turn out to be if I keep moving along the road that I can see my brother’s grotesquely obese sillouette on the horizon of.
I have more confidence now, too. A lot of the characters in Homestuck became my own gang of Rufios. I try imaging John telling me how silly I’m being when I’m afraid of doing things I need to do in public, even though it’s just getting up to get tissues or talking loud enough to be heard in a class discussion. I’ve been channeling Dave whenever I need to deal with my older brother, and even though that’s made him mad at me, I’ve also gotten him to realize that, through repeated verbal prompts that hitting is not a way of conveying affection and maybe even just how drunk he must be to think that pushing people down stairs is fun. It keeps hapening. :|
My life may not have outwardly gotten better after reading Homestuck, which makes it hard to explain how this single webcomic has made me a random number of times more positive. Updates are always something to look forward to, and with how accepting the fandom is, I’ve had the courage to finally start to improve my writing. I take pride in being a fan in a fandom where you don’t have to understand exactly what’s happening at any given point in time to be an active part in the community. Let me simply put it this way: (TL:DR?) The fact that I was able to submit this even with how red my face is with embarrassment and fear should give hint to just how much Homestuck has changed my outlook on life.